Tuesday, November 24, 2009

From tha archives-nahin,ek ghazal

Beyond my poetry and prose in English, I have also occasionally dabbled in writing poetry in Hindi, or o be more specific ghazals(Hindi and Urdu for a large part of history was the same language written in different scripts). This ghazal(the first one I ever completed) does not really adhere to traditional rhyme and meter. Thats why I call my blog disjointed verses.

By the way, I use the takhallus,(poetic pseudonym) Daag . Urdu poetry has this tradition that the poet in the last sher(stanza refers back to himself in the third person).

There is a story behind this ghazal and indeed there is a theme that connects all the ghazals I have written till now(I have written so less that its possible). But that story of solitude and loneliness is another blog post. This ghazal was part of my second year of engineering magazine(around three and a half years old.) Time flows.

Nahin, ek ghazal

Usne mujhe aashiq kahke taal diya,magar
Baat mein uski ek jaadu tha jo main rootha bhee nahin.

Kehti hai khel hain sab,magar mujhe bataaye woh aaj
Aag agar idhar hai to kya dhuan udhar nahin.

Ye khumar nahin suroor hai tera kya bataaon tumhe,
main tere ishq mein yun dooba ki jaaga hi nahin.

Main uske do isharon mein hee sab samajh jaata hoon,
Woh teen lafzon mein bhee kyun haal bata paati nahin.

Wahi meri munsif hai, wahi meri qaatil bhee,
Mere ishq ke haq mein phaisla degi ya nahin.

'Daag', jal rahee hai ek ghazal seene mein,
Arz karta hoon baar-baar, phir bhee kyun bujhtee nahin.

Syed Ashraf Husain 'Daag'

नहीं, एक ग़ज़ल

उसने मुझे आशिक कहके ताल दिया,मगर
बात में उसकी एक जादू था जो मैं रूठा भी नहीं |

कहती है खेल हैं सब,मगर मुझे बताये वोह आज
आग अगर इधर है तो क्या धुआं उधर नहीं |

ये खुमार नहीं सुरूर है तेरा क्या बताओं तुम्हे,
मैं तेरे इश्क में यूँ डूबा की जागा ही नहीं |

मैं उसके दो इशारों में ही सब समझ जाता हूँ,
वोह तीन लफ़्ज़ों में भी क्यूँ हाल बता पाती नहीं |

वही मेरी मुंसिफ है, वही मेरी कातिल भी,
मेरे इश्क के हक में फैसला देगी या नहीं |

'दाग़', जल रही है एक ग़ज़ल सीने में,
अर्ज़ करता हूँ बार-बारफ़, फिर भी क्यूँ बुझती नहीं .|

स्येद अशरफ हुसैन 'दाग़ '

Monday, November 16, 2009

And then once in a while

I must confess, I am an obsessive web-surfer. I can surf bbcnews, nytimes.com ,wikipedia etc for hours. I enjoy reading the stuff in news and the mundane stuff which is not.

And then once in while ,I read some thing that breaks my heart. So while surfing bbcnews, I read this article about a woman who had gone drinking leaving her kids at home and it left me disturbed.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/lancashire/8362815.stm


I am not a big emotional wreck who cries at each and every moment. However the description of the kids situation was pretty saddening. There are some folks who don't deserve to be sad. Kids are one of them.

Anyway from the article:-

The eldest daughter was leaning out of the lounge window, was rain-soaked and had been crying, he said.

Stevenson's one-year-old son was "hysterical" in his cot upstairs.

The youngster was soaked in urine as was the three-month-old boy who was also covered in sick in his cot.

The four-year-old girl had tried to feed the baby by using chairs to climb up to a kitchen cupboard and reach a tin of milk powder.

I think it was the description of the four year old girl trying to feed her brother that set the rage and the outrage off. There is a feeling of helplessness there, a desperation that transcends boundaries and cultures.

I hope the kids are happy now and I hope the mother realizes, there is no injustice and cruelty greater than cruelty to the weak, innocent and the helpless.

I would be too judgemental but I do wish the mother one day may feel genuine regret and remorse.

There is no bigger and sharper prick than that of the conscience.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Am I confused?

Oh yes I am.

I was reading this guys article recently who could not decide whether to pursue a MBA or stay on with his company who were sending him to US. He said ,"I am a very confused person".

I read it , thought for a while and realized if he is in the kingdom of the confused, I am the realm's emperor.

So as a record for posterity, I will list down the choices that I have faced:-

a) Let me put it simply. If I could, I would have split into nine and followed nine different professions. And this is at the minimum.

b) I actually wanted to be a lawyer but told myself there are already too many lawyers out there.

c) One of the most gut-wrenching decisions has been the army. Being an army brat, I gave it serious thought but later decided I could not live out my life preparing for a war that never happens. Also to explain the disconnect I have reached the conclusion that there is a greater possibility of me contributing positively to the community in other roles.

d) I wanted to my BA honours in English and go into journalism. firstly my parents thought pretty low of journalist. Secondly, when I met the ex-head of Allahabad University's English department(he incidentally had taught my mother), he told me that the English curriculum is not challenging and a bright student like me will find it dry. Yes, there was a time when I was considered bright.

e) I wanted to be a doctor and this was also a pretty serious fling. It was only once I had sat for the medical entrance exams and qualified for dental that I suddenly realized, medicine as a career was a full time commitment and I really could not wait till 30 to be financially independent. (5.5 years MBBS, 3 years MD, 2 years D.Ch. Add a few years here and there and you have life starting at 31-32. Not moi.)

f) I had looked at the physics in class 11th and immediately swapped hindi for maths. So engineering was my option. I thought I could be more creative in engineering(Ah ,the days of innocence). I gave IIT a good attempt and joined computers engineering at AIT(when NIT Warrangal plans got torpedoed by the dammed naxals. Its another story),coz everyone convinced me I had an obession about computers.

g) I had also wanted to be a gelologist,a marine archaelogist, a marine engineer(gave it up when a relative in the merchant navy,told me put it after the last last option.) and also a historian. None were to be.

Now these were options that I have pretty much closed. Lets come to the options that unfortunately are not.

h) I wanted to do my PhD in computers. Now I am thinking about management. However a doctorate will push me into teaching and academic roles. I am not sure if I want that

i) I want to do my MBA and this is what I hope to soon pursue. However even here I am unsure if I want a long term plan or a short term plan. I like the short term idea. Work for six years and explore other options

j) I think somewhere in the future I want to set up my NGO to help others. However I am surprised how easily money can fill up the need of job-satisfaction.

k) I am still thinking of an IAS attempt as a viable career move. However I am unsure whether I want to commit.

l) I am also writing a book which is stuck at 15% mark. I also desire to be a motivational speaker and tour the world.

So dont talk to me aout how confused you are. I am way ahead of everybody.

And I think I missed out a few options

33rd verse. Wisdom of the TAO

I am replacing my desire for power
over others with my efforts
to understand and master myself
in any and all situations.

The things I love....
I have to learn to leave alone.

Simply adore the last line. Even the idea about knowing oneself is powerful.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Feelings

Feelings always seem,
a mirage.
A rainbow sandwich ,
with layers,
unknown,unseen and
untasted.

I bite, I munch, I savor,
I introspect,
And I still dont know,
what I feel for you,
how your memories bring up the tastes,
they do.

Doubt is my enemy,
I know.
There were the sparks,
But I thought it was just a phase,
You and me had nothing in common,
I thought and I told myself.

Now the cycle of doubt completes,
You hang over me and all around,
Like a smog on a wintery morning,
And on a happy day or sad day,
I replay in head again and again,
Your laugh,
Your smiles and the waving of compliments,
Your random new accent.

In times like these,
Where I am myself unsure of the truth,
How do I tell it to you,
For when you will read this here,
You will smell a scent from the past,
And wonder if it's you,
This narcissistic refers to.