Monday 23 January 2012

The Answer-Vignette by Ashraf

PS Too much of poetry, non fiction and broken prose. Presenting my first short story. It's a small cog of something bigger

In old age the demons would return to haunt her. When the vigour and strength was gone and she was alone in her room at night she would start believing in all that was not there.

Her first daughter gone for seven years now would play on her mind. She had married her love and knowing there would never be societal acceptance of her marriage had left India for Spain. The mother bound by societal norms and a slave in her own way to others could never accept her son-in-law and disowned her daughter. She could have gained a son but she lost a daughter in the end. The daughter had cried, cajoled and did everything to get her mother to give her blessings as she was her only parent. In the end she had softly screamed, “I never cared about your society but if you won’t bless us, I will accept that job in Spain”. In the first year after her marriage and subsequent migration to Spain there had been calls and conciliatory letters but with the cold response they all stopped. For five and a half years now there had been no contact. The daughter was as good as dead.

But the conscience of the mother was troubling her and now at night when she could not even garner the strength to get up and relieve herself, she would call out to her the daughter long gone. When there would be no answer anger would well up in her heart and then suddenly she would remember her deeds. But then she could not remember her second daughter’s name and she would lie there guessing all possible names failing to remember the name she had choosen for her younger daughter , a score plus years back. Hours later she would remember the name and call the second daughter who would immediately come and help her.

This happened not one night but was a scene that would play out night after night in the same sequence until the mother was convinced a Djinn was in the house. But one night when she called her daughter’s name there was a reply and she in retrospect realized it had been her daughter who had answered her call. Next day she would announce the death of her daughter. But the daughter had done her duty by warning her mother. There was a prophecy fulfilled when the mother answered but the prophecy is another story. That story is about me. This is about the mother.
The Answer
I have not described what happened on the night of Shabraat. The night when Islamic traditions state that the souls of the dead come back to this world to look at what they left behind. That's also when the call of the ill mother was answered. That night when the old mother had called her daughter for the 40th or 50th time there came a reply ,’Yes, mother you called.’ Still believing her daughter was there she replied, ‘Huma , I want to go to the toilet-help me get up’. And in the room would walk in her daughter all in white. Believing her eyesight was fooling her in the dark she said –‘O daughter look what old age has done to me. Now I can’t even see you clearly.’ You are all white and faint to me. But now the apparition seemingly stood there and in a voice that seemed to emnate from every corner of the house said, ‘Mother , leave get far far away from here.’ ‘This and much of the city is going to burn in the fire of human hatred in time to come.
Warn only the first person you meet on the street and get out of here.’ 

And then perhaps like a mirage it all vanished and the old lady blinked her eyes to find there was nothing in the room and it was all normal. It could perhaps be nothing more than a dream except for one small thing- when she opened her eyes she was sitting on the chair near her bed. For the past few months at night she could not get up without help. How had she moved to the chair? 

Next day she resigned from the job where she had long become inept, packed everything possible in a short time and moved with her immediate family to a sister’s house in Bombay because of the warning. She did not doubt for the night the daughter answered, her ailment had also vanished and she was again an old but fit lady.

Months later enquiry in Spain would reveal he daughter and son-in law had died five years back in a road accident. The information got lost because the daughter had put her husband as next of kin and he himself had no family.

Oh and if I didn’t mention, the mother met me on the street next day.

Saturday 12 November 2011

I am not fascinated

I am not fascinated
by big names and lofty titles and
long runs after things that are illusionary.
But to fascinate me
tell me your heart’s desires
and where do you yourself want to be .

I am not fascinated
by yatches, watches , gadgets and
all the one thousand one glittery things around.
But to fascinate me
tell me how you looked inside
and realized that not every jewel you desire .

I am not fascinated
by drunk nights, hungover mornings and
the new names for the ancient drinks.
But to fascinate me
tell me about deep thoughts in high moments
and what you still remembered the morning after .

I am not fascinated
by beauty , fashion, and
all other things that will be gone tomorrow.
But to fascinate me
tell me did the beauty also have a heart
and were the depths of her intellect really deep.

I am not fascinated
by shamans , mystics and
the one hundred one teachers for hire.
But to fascinate me
tell me was the mystic's jounrney just for himself
and all guidance to others a freely given gift .

I am not fascinated
by your conquest of weaker souls and
all the rest that is external to you.
But to fascinate me
tell me did you conquer you own soul
and finally leave your ego by the roadside .

I am not fascinated
by who did you love and
who did you betray.
But to fascinate me
tell me of the pain when the beloved left
and silence that you heard in the beloved’s absence .

I am not fascinated
by tales of crushes, fantasies and
a dozen shades of lust.
But to fascinate me
tell me did you really love the beloved
and was that love pure enough to be called love.

Syed Ashraf Husain ' दाग़ ' ' ڈاگ ' 

P.S. Sometimes I cant write poetry for days and sometimes I finish a whole poem in 30 minutes flat. Its always how heavy the heart is.

Monday 7 November 2011

Reading List 3rd-7th Nov

First of all Eid Mubarak everyone. I hope you have a great time. Am at Delhi away from it all but theek hai. Parents are on Hajj and mashaallah it is going on well.
So my reading list for the last couple of days
(a) MUST READ- an article exploring both the assembly line and the issues at Maruti’s Manesar plant which has been rocked by violence and unrest. http://www.thehindu.com/news/national/article2601780.ece?homepage=true#.TrX_9FaaRsk.facebook . I am reminded of Charlie Chaplin’s Modern Times by this paragraph in the article. For a worker, line acceleration can be a harrowing experience. “When I first began working for Maruti, assembly lines used to run right through my dreams,” said a worker with a laugh, “These days I suppose I'm so tired that I don't get dreams anymore.”
(b) For a change just view these pics http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2011/10/text_copy_block_goes_here.html Some of the pics are so moving. The wasted childhood of the innocent refugees from Afghanistan.(1st, 7th, 17th) The mud caked bodies of the child labourers in the brick facility in Pakistan (5th) .  The Syrian children playing is joyous and the 10th pic from Libya is ambiguous . I cannot be sure if the lady is sad or happy. Her eyes seem so deep and moist. Then the 29th pic is totally exhilirating for it’s the vulnerable kids doing maths( can read the sums). And I realize why I must search for the sublime in life as the obvious can never hold my attention for long.
(c) Good read- In this moving article one of the three American hikers captured by Iran explains why solitary confinement is also torture. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/06/opinion/sunday/in-an-iranian-prison-tortured-by-solitude.html?_r=1
(d) Mildly Interesting http://mashable.com/2011/11/06/justin-bieber-infographic/ Justin Bieber success analyzed
(e) Against all Odds. Story of a woman Egyptian entrepreneur http://dealbook.nytimes.com/2011/11/02/egyptian-entrepreneur-shares-lessons-from-her-playbook/
(f) A pretty good blog with translations of Urdu poetry http://siyaah.blogspot.com/ Must read for poetry fans
(g) Just loved this qawwali sung by Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan. The lyrics are so beautiful and I identify with them. Lyrics here http://nusratqawalies.blogspot.com/2011/01/barsoon-kay-intizar-ka-waiting-for.html and the qawwali on youtube here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JPb_Dw-N3E. Two of my fav lines from the Qawwali are
1) “Allah, zindagi say kahan tak nibhaoon main,
Kis bewafa kay saath mera naam likh diya”

Allah, how long do I remain faithful to life,
That(life) faithless person whom you have tied to my name
2) “Bikhri padee thee toot kay kaliyaan zameen par,
Tarteeb day kay maine tera naam likh diya”

Tarteeb=give form, organize
"Flower buds were scattered around on the ground,
I gave them shape and wrote your name"

Wednesday 2 November 2011

Reading List Nov 1st-2nd


So my reading list series of posts stumbles but continues-
(A) MUST Read- An analysis of the new Middle East. Its important as the world has changed. Mubarak is gone and so is Gaddafi. What will be the new governments be like. In Tunisia a religious leaning but democracy supporting party has come to power. It may scare people especially in the west that the Islamists are coming to power but it may instead be the best thing that ever happened. The Middle East countries have few bogey men and these governments will be judged on their own merits.  Crescent Moon, Waning West( The Economist) http://www.economist.com/node/21534782

(B) The income in equality debate at NYTimes where collumnist David Brooks insists there is a top 1% inequality and then a college vs non college educated inequality. The original article is here http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/01/opinion/brooks-the-wrong-inequality.html?pagewanted=all . A retort in The Economist is here http://www.economist.com/blogs/democracyinamerica/2011/11/inequalities and Paul Krugmans analysis is here http://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/11/01/graduates-versus-oligarchs/
(C) Interesting read on Chaebol in South Korea. Also contrasted to Japan (Olympus’s 36% fee for MnA led me here) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaebol
(D) Toyota Unveils machines to help the sick and old moon( If you have been following the upcoming greying of Japan you would understand) http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/tech/hardware/toyota-unveils-machines-to-help-sick-elderly-move/articleshow/10565048.cms
(E) Some amazing CV for designers http://inspirationfeed.com/inspiration/30-amazingly-creative-examples-of-designer-resumes/
(F) Gaddafi’s legacy at the New Yorker http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/11/07/111107fa_fact_anderson
(G) Ad agencies face talent crunch for online advertising http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/31/business/media/ad-companies-face-a-widening-talent-gap.html?src=me&ref=general
(H) Airlines cutting boarding time or at least trying to (Classic operations case) http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/01/business/airlines-are-trying-to-cut-boarding-times-on-planes.html?hp

Monday 31 October 2011

Daily Reading List

Some time back in a workshop the instructor asked me how did I know so much in depth about a topic. I replied with the truth-“I read”. Of course everyone had a laugh and I also smiled but I was stating the truth. I am not super bright or super intelligent. I just read a bit more than the average Joe.

Anyways sometimes I share the best of what I read, through status’s on facebook but I don’t want to cloud my updates with a stream of articles each and everyday.
So I am going to chronicle my best daily reads in a post everyday. Anyone who is interested can look it up but more importantly I can reference it at my ease too. Bookmarking is just not efficient enough I browse hundreds of pages everyday. I will only list what is worth sharing. I hope you enjoy it too.

(a) Anyways the must read article of the day is this eulogy of Steve Jobs delivered by his sister. It’s a wonderfully wriiten artcile and I just find this line so tragically true. “
"We all — in the end — die in medias res. In the middle of a story. Of many stories."
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/30/opinion/mona-simpsons-eulogy-for-steve-jobs.html?pagewanted=all&src=ISMR_AP_LO_MST_FB.

(b) As the US withdrawal from Afghanistan and Iraq nears , I have to think a lot. Afterall 10 years ago I was a teenager and in a way I have been a child of the great war years. I felt the pain of 9-11. I cheered the Afghanistan invasion, pretty happy to see the Taliban whom I anyway hated go and in a way thought there was need for dismantling the terrorist infrastructure. And one and a half years later  I opposed the Iraq war tooth and nail being convinced there was no cause for war. Wrote essays  And when no WMDs came and people expressed surprise , I could not help but say told you say. Infact I still remember watching Rumsfields testimony in the UN live on BBC as he scared everyone with a vial in his hand.’This amount he stated is enough to kill anyone’. I had to judge if the evidence was convincing and I thought it was all one side of the story.
However my biggest concern today is the women in Afghanistan. One of the reasons I supported the US war in Afghanistan because the Taliban with their repression of women simply angered me no end. That is not Islam or even basic human decency. What will happen to those gains as the US leaves? Will Afghanistan face another decade of degradation. And the guilty party is the cold war.
Have over the years followed RWA(Revolutionary Women of Afghanistan) organization whose volunteers have risked everything to educate girls.

(Must read about how cynically the women of Afghanistan have been exploited) http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2011/10/06/pawns-of-war-and-peace-what-does-the-future-hold-for-afghan-women/

(Good read- USAID and women in Afghanistan) http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2011/03/22/dear-usaid-afghan-women-arent-pet-rocks/

(Good read- interview with an Afghani woman heading NGO) http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2011/10/25/peace-unveiled-an-interview-with-afghan-womens-rights-activist-hasina-safi/

(c) Poetry and politics a nice perspective http://www.ontheissuesmagazine.com/2011fall/2011fall_browning.php

(d) Quotes of Arundhati Roy ( admire her courage, not necessarily share her viewpoints)
http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/6134.Arundhati_Roy
A good one of the bunch“D’you know what happens when you hurt people?’ Ammu said. ‘When you hurt people, they begin to love you less. That’s what careless words do. They make people love you a little less.”
Arundhati Roy, The God of Small Things

(e) Another urdu poetry site. Very regularly updated. http://faysalspoetry.blogspot.com/

(f) The story of a reformed neo-nazi or a skinhead. Its very intense and personal. Recommended read. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/31/reformed-skinhead-removes_n_1067431.html?ref=impact&ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

Thursday 27 October 2011

Time to Reinvent Myself

My blog has always been a lot about self introspection and while I have not blogged enough recently for various factors, I feel the time is coming soon. As an update some stuff happened recently that has made me think deep and hard.

Firstly the first semester of MBA is nearly over, and MBA right now seems the most overrated thing I have ever done. The trouble is I feel I haven't learnt enough that I could and this hurts as the importance of MBA for me lies in its learning opportunities. Its like being stuck in a marsh while solid ground seems just across the water. So I have been indulging in all sorts of trivial things without heading in the right direction.

Indeed I laughed the other day wondering loudly to this statement ,'And I used to think engineering was the biggest mistake of my life'. Of course I plan to change this next sem but still.

Secondly I went through the summer placement process where some of the companies I wanted to be at did not even shortlist my resume. Funnily enough in the end I got to a company which is part of a media group that I was really curious about . Its a finance profile and I get to explore how deep my interests lie in the media world. I find it funny how I ended up in a place my heart wanted but would not have waited for and part of me now believes in fate. 

Thirdly , an event happened in my life that makes my heart skip a beat and I walk with a jump in each step. The event was inspiring enough to demolish the writers block I was suffering from and  I now write prose and poetry again. But its all very fluid and I have to wonder if I am hallucianting for I go low when the day seems blue. And its just a gaze that can make or mar my day. While i believe in fate and 'The Secret' now( more later), the question is am I ready for things not working out? I wont even consider the possibility at times. And in the end I dont think I can ever be prepared  but I must think about this.

Summing it up, I need to think of my MBA, the summer placement, the analysis of failure and what goes in my life. In short now is a wonderful opportunity to reinvent myself. And that is what I am going to do. Below is a picture of me nearly four years ago. Its a different  me I realize and I want to again reinvent myself over the next 3-4 months. So that I again look in the mirror and see a stranger.

Also let me acknowledge publicly and also confess that I used to think of myself as  a genius and very smart and intelligent. However I have come to realize, I am an idiot of the first order and very naive. I have mishandled enough situations over the last 4 months to be given an Ignoble award or a Darwin prize. 

Sunday 16 October 2011

Just the way you are


So this song is my latest muse. Simply love the  lyrics  where the song goes like I love everything about coz she is perfect





"Her eyes, her eyes
make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
falls perfectly without her trying
She's so beautiful
And I tell her everyday (yeahh)

I know, I know
When I compliment her she won't believe me
And it's so, it's so
Sad to think that she don't see what I see
But everytime she asks me "Do I look okay?"
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
'Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her lips, her lips
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
she hates but I think it's so sexy
She's so beautiful
And I tell her everyday
Oh you know, you know, you know
I'd never ask you to change
If perfect's what you're searching for
Then just stay the same
So don't even bother asking if you look okay
'Cause you know I'll say
When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
'Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are
The way you are
The way you are
Girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are "

http://youtu.be/LjhCEhWiKXk

What crosses my mind

For the last 1.5 years or so I have blogged very litte but rather preferred to note down my thoughts on a file. I earlier had that file on myhard disc but it has now moved to google docs. The file is named 'The time is running out.doc'. Behind this strange sounding name is a very simple reason. I created a new file during my second year of engineering and after I wrote some sentences ,on saving it Microsoft word automatically save the file with the first sentence. Hence, 'the time is running out.doc'.

I am talking about this file for a reason. Its linked to my need to express and by extension to my ebbing and rising desires to tell a story to the world. When I want to express I use the blog but the story is being written in bits and pieces on the file. So as I wanted to formalize my blog to a custom domain, I wrote more on the file and planned to buy a custom domain. Infact down the line I bought a domain but I suddenly wanted to write a bit more. And so the domain remains untouched while I muse on.

However there has been great progress on the file front. After having been very inactive for a long long time, I gathered great speed and have finished ten thousand words. Now if you were to take into  consideration that these are basically disjointed points and paragraphs to be used as the mould for larger enterprises, you end up with 50k words . And that is half a novel or so.

Of course there is a reason why I write again, why poetry flows from my pen err keyboard so regularly and why my heart at times a bit faster at times. That however is another story