MUSINGS
The most wonderful sight to me is a little child frolicking about his or her mother. For the child there is no past, there is no future. He lives in the present. And the best part is if he is happy then joy fills his whole existence and the happiness is quite absolute.
The tragic part is he is unknowing of the ravages that time shall inflict on him as it passes by. Growing up is a traumatic experience. We loose the sense of absoluteness. Everything becomes conditional. Nothing , absolutely nothing can satisfy. And even in the zenith of our times we cant find the absolute joy a child enjoys. That’s the paradox. The child playing with a cardboard box is happier than us by a long margin.
Go back to the earliest memories that you have of yourself. I am sure if you were to look deep enough you would be unable to recognize yourself and feel like an impostor peeping into a forbidden window of foreign memories.
‘Truth or dare’ and the other games that we play as adults to have fun are far more complicated than our earlier childhood games. The innocence of childhood on departure took away the innocence of our games. These games of adulthood are all silent battles where everyone is testing the other. What we seek evidences of weaknesses in others and holes in their armour. This is what gives us the high in such games.
And the thing is as children we desperately want to grow up and be adults while once we grow up most of us would do anything to return to that age of innoncence which by now has long gone, never to return, ever.
8 comments:
this is a really touching post. the part of my childhood i miss is the feeling of togetherness and that sense of everyone i love and care about is here and together. everything changes once u grow up, you change pple change we all go our separate ways. most of all, it also reminds me how much i miss my dad.
@pi
I am very happy if u feel touched by the post.
I think we all miss childhood so much at times because the end of childhood is the end of a beautiful era of our lives.
What I miss about childhood is the innocence it encompassed.
Yes I also miss the people close to me but more than missing them I think living alone in a city whether studying or working we are haunted by a strange loneliness in our lives. The inability to come back and share stuff. The absence of someone waiting.
This is perhaps the reason why so much yearn for relationships. In fact the other day I felt so depressed that I was inclined to ask the first girl I come across to go out with me. Thank God I suppressed the urge. A no I could have handled but a yes would have been catastrophic.
Plus the other thing only in childhood do we make friends and love conditionally. Friendship as adult is mostly a relationship of convenience.
i dont know ashraf i think there is a difference in living alone and being lonely. living alone is actually quite nice, you are independant you can do what you wantto do, have complete access to your remote, dont have to nag anyone to clean up after their mess. theres a lot of good things to it. and you can always hang out with your friends. but when you come its your own comfort space and i think thats really nice.
whereas loneliness is a different issue when you feel almost disconnected from everyone. ive never been in favor of relationships of convenience. you get a boyfriend/girlfriend coz everyone has one and your the only one who doesnt. or getting married coz thats the age to do so. i really think one should actually feel something for hte person and it should not be a frivolous thing. That being said, its harder if you dont ever take the initiative. What Im trying to say, maybe one should get to know the person and perhaps something may happen. One should take some risks in life. =)
I think regards to friendships as adults. I dont think theres an age at which you stop making friends. I think its all about a connection. I think as kids are friendships are more superficial coz they are usually based on something very random. Isnt it common for 2nd graders to have three or four best friends and then change their best friends every week. Its actually quite superficial when we were kids.
And I really dont understand why you are so so pessimistic. you have a lot of things going for you, you are educated, young and have not one but 2 job offers! =)
"
Har taraf har jagah beshumaar aadmi,
Phir bhi tanhaaiyon ka shikaar aadmi
"
translated as in each direction and every place uncountable men,
Yet still the victim of loneliness is man.
I think the above sher sums it up. I never say living alone is boring. But after a long time alone as a general trend we tend to feel lonely. You talk of loneliness in the clinical term. I talk of loneliness as the desire to share things with someone special.
You might not agree but imagine being ill with viral etc when living alone. It really cooks the goose.
Beyond it I remain the biggest believer in love possible. My view about following ones heart drives my folks crazy. But having seen the behind the scenes story I am a little disappointed. Generally a very miniscule amount of relationships work.
About friendship yes if u find friends who click its great. Other than that most of the people u meet are aquaintances. It takes time to build relationships esp friendship. As adults the time is less and at times we search for gains. Its a competitive and harsh world and we ought to realize that. True friends are as hard to find as true diamonds. BUT THEY ARE THERE.
Ans as for the last point of darkness I shall quote from the editorial I wrote for my college magazine as the chief editor. The paragraph is in question a reply to someone who asked a similar query like you.
"Lastly people find themes of anguish and desolation running through my writings and go on to believe that darkness torments me. They seldom realize that at heart I am finally a poet, a creature of the moment who, in his own way, celebrates 'moments of being’. Ghazals, prose, poetry , eMAGe, Srijna and the Mag-Board have been some such special moments ,made even sweeter by the people close to me. Thank you all!!!
"
btw it took me a long time to reply because I had to explore deep within before I could answer outside
ok senti senti response though i really like your last paragraph. it reminds me of a post i once read where the writer finds happiness in their melancholy. and sometimes needs these dips in emotions to actually appreciate life. (not to say that youre doing the same thing..just reminds me of that) and sure you always need that person to share your stories with. but id rather share ti with someone who cares about the story.
=) jo hota hai achei kei liyei hota hai.
Guess am a little too skilled at maaroing senti. The last para is true. To form and give an opinion without thinking twice over what one is committing to, is erroneous
Of course we all need people who care to share the stories. Else it does not really matter whether we share it or not.
Though I dont agree totally but in principle I forever try to convince myself that jo hota hai achchey ke liye hota hai.
not that last para the one above it. hahah.jk. but thats good too.
the phrase "jo hota hai.." comes with a little asterix at the end (*may take time, lots of time to take effect, but only happens if you believe in it). umeed par puri duniya qayam hai.
Oh the para above!!!!
Well that as I said earlier is part of my editorial and trust me I had a whole year to pen it and I had to end on a high note.
I think we both beleive in the asterisk
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